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Viewfinder

When we look through the lens of a camera, or our own eye, we see a particular picture – that is colored by how we see the world.  A photographer can capture something you or I would’ve never seen or “perceived” without their keen sense of imagery.  Each of us, in our own way, distorts our own viewpoint…to either create beauty in our lives or not.

I think life is how we VIEW it.  And how we THINK about it. 

If we view things as negative, they are negative.  If we say things like “I’m impossible” or “I’m annoying”, well then most likely we are.  “That’s just the way I am” is not only a false statement but a devaluing of our own power to be anyone we wish to be.  It is, in a sense, an excuse.

In our lives, we have choices.  We can either choose to do the best we can or we can muddle around in the idea that nothing can change.  We can look at ourselves with kindness and know we are good, or we can berate ourselves for not being “good enough” (whatever the hell that is.)  As Dr. Wayne Dyer said – he liked to recite 5 words to himself – “I choose to feel good.”  He made the CHOICE to feel good…because it is, at its core, something you choose.

Oh, stop being so positive….I’ve heard that throughout the years.  And I say, why?  Is it better to be negative?  Isn’t being positive always a better choice?  Hey, it certainly can’t hurt.

Trust me – I’m no role model of positivity….or anything really.  I just like to believe in the good in people – in their struggling spirits…that the life they want is the life they can have.  If someone has a baby and worries – I’ll never be a good parent, then they are selling themselves short.  I would ask the question, “Do you want to be a good parent?”, and if their answer is yes, then they can make it so.  A perfect parent, no – a parent who loves and cares about their child and does the best they know how – that’s totally doable.

If we rid ourselves of the negative self-talk (I have to work on that all the time) and cut ourselves some slack….and stop worrying so much about all that which is out of our control, and concentrate on what our hearts tell us, I think only good, exciting things can come from that….a life well lived.

We have the choice, always, to decide how we want to look at our situations, how to think about them, and how to react to them.  It is our choice.  With practice, we can alter these viewpoints to create more clarity in our lives.  To truly SEE what is real…and follow it. 

To Market, To Market…

You can tell a lot about a person by the groceries they buy. 

I just bought:
Multi-grain Cheerios
Weight Watchers Whole Wheat Rolls
Smart Ones Fettucini Alfredo
1/2 lb Boar’s Head Turkey
1/3 lb Provolone Cheese
Quart of 2% reduced fat milk
Low-fat frozen waffles
40% Reduced Fat Potato Chips
Pint of grape tomatoes
Pint of blueberries
An avocado
3 organic cups of yogurt
Coca-Cola

Can you see a pattern here?  Okay, okay…the Coke seems incongruous but it is my sugar vice…no diet soda for me..give me the real thing or nothing.  My sister and I call it Liquid Gold.  I know…I know.

The guy in front of me – a young Asian man, had a few items – but all I noticed were numerous cans of cat food and a bag of cat litter…and a piece of notebook paper that appeared to be his list.

The middle-aged guy behind me, bundled up from the cold, layed out on the conveyor belt, the following items:
Quart of milk
Can of cuban coffee
Bag of dried lentils
One deli item in white paper
One bottle (just one) of Irish Red Beer (of unknown brand)
Frozen box of twice baked potatoes
A roll of paper towels
Box of sugar
And I don’t remember the rest because I was trying not to stare.

Asian man had a cat – or maybe it was his girlfriends (he had a list, remember?)…he seemed bored.

Middle-aged man lives alone, is only drinking ONE beer tonight (either just jonesing the brand or has a problem), plans on making lentil soup (?), and most importantly got his coffee (sugar and milk) provisions so he can wake up in the morning.  He has his priorities straight.

What does it say about me?  I’m concerned about my fat intake and I “try”to eat right.  Looks like she has breakfast and lunch ready for the work week.

Next time I’ll buy tampons, sardines, juice boxes, Oreo’s and a toothbrush.  Just to confuse everyone. 

Mommy

My mommy passed away 11 years ago come January 23rd.  11 years.  Where the heck did that time go?  And trust me, even though it has been 11 years, it feels like yesterday.

We all have those moments in our lives…that no matter how much distance we have from them, they are marked in our minds and in our hearts…like a photo negative burned in our skin.

We did joke that mom did aptly “picked” the date 1/23….because it was neat and chronological….1, 2, 3.  Mom always was neat and orderly.  And the year was 2000.  What a way to start a new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium.  Mom had a way of being memorable.

This is what I miss.

Her giggle.  She would press her lips together and giggle.
Her lap.  I would crawl up and sit in it – even as an adult.
Her ham and cheese sandwiches.  Not that they were extraordinary – they were just hers.
Her quiet ways.
Her always asking me what I was doing with my hair – with an air of disapproval.
Her leaving me voicemails always starting with “This is your mother…”.
Her fully stocked refrigerator and how she always made sure to have what we wanted when we came home.
Her apple crumb pie.
Her purchase of numerous blouses and flat shoes, all the same style, in every color.
Her glass of water by her bedside.
Her half a stick of gum that she would chew and offer you the other half.
Her pocketbook filled with tissues.
Her fake fur coat that she wore when I was young, that I would lean up against in the front seat of the car.
Her managing 4 children and a husband without batting an eye.
Her love of egg salad.
Her verbal descriptions of the backrubs we would give her as kids, as “delicious.”
Her routine of brewing fresh iced tea for my dad everyday.
Her career as a nurse.
Her ability to see a crumb drop from across the room.
Her love of sleeping in a freezing room.
Her love of Perry Como’s Christmas album that she would play every year.
Her way of never looking at the camera when someone took a picture.
Her standing beside me as my maid of honor on my wedding day.

These are snippets really.  Of a beautiful, giving, self-less woman, who left this world at the age of 67, due to that thief we call cancer.

I don’t think of her as gone…ever….because she truly lives on inside me, through me.  I am her daughter.  And each night before I sleep, I say these words – so that not one day will go by without my remembering and acknowledging her.

“Thank you Lord for this day, may I be blessed with another.  Keep my mother safe and warm and grant her peace.  I love you mom. Amen.”

I miss you.

Old Words

It’s a rainy, cold Tuesday in NYC…gray, overcast….no sunlight to wake me out of bed this morning.  I thought, “why does rain make us so glum?”  Glum???  Where did I dig that word out of?  I don’t think I’ve heard that word since 1973.

Glum – according to dictionary.com is defined as “sullenly or silently gloomy; dejected.”  (Funny how weather can make someone feel dejected….pretty powerful stuff for a few clouds and raindrops…get a grip Liz.)  I should’ve worn my galoshes.

I always knew I would get old, but I guess I never really thought much about how language, and verbiage gets old.  I mean, we all know cultural expressions change with the generations – when I grew up the word groovy was still in play (child of the 60’s and 70’s yesiree)…and everything was cool (which I still use.)  And with the explosion of email, texting, and Twitter, language has taken a beating in grammar and usage.

A friend recently said his dad was talking about the beauty, the dancer “gal” who partnered with Fred Astaire (um, that would be Ginger Rogers of course – which is in itself, an outdated reference)…but it was the word gal that he laughed at.  Gal.  Who say’s gal?  My dad might.  So might yours.

How about gam?  Did that originate from a leg that looked like a ham?  Jeez, I hope not.  (Jeez?)  I certainly wouldn’t want someone looking at my hamhock leg and coming up with the word gam. 

Does anybody say Eureka! anymore when they’ve discovered something?  I doubt it.  Holy sh*t! or OMG comes to mind nowadays.

Willynilly.  I like that one.  Lollygag.  Baffoon.  Jeepers.  Stupendous.  Cad.  The list is endless.  I’m flabbergasted.

Long live language.