Uncategorized Archives - Page 20 of 26

Perspective

Perspective is everything. And it is defined (per one dictionary source) as such:

1. a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance

2. the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity: try to get some perspective on your troubles

When looking at a situation, we look at it through a distorted lens…that of our own eyes, which are colored by our experiences. We find it hard to get perspective on so many aspects of our lives because we are immersed in them – we struggle to find the distance to step outside our vision, and see what’s factual, what’s truly real. “Can’t see the forest for the trees” as the old expression goes.

It happens to us all. From the richest to the poorest, the most powerful to the least – we can’t always see clearly. Oftentimes, it is by accident that we gain perspective, after we’ve had something and lost it, or after something is brought to light by a friend or loved one. And that is when retrospect comes into play…our ability to look back and see what’s left in the road behind us.

It reminds me of the lyrics in a Jackson Browne song – “…does it take a death to learn what a life is worth?”

Wouldn’t it help us all if we could learn this perspective skill without all the pain and fuss? Learn to see AND appreciate what we have, what is before us or find ways to change it?

I usually recommend away from comparisons because they are often mired in faulty knowledge, but when it comes to gaining perspective, comparing can be a useful tool. When a friend complains about their job, they can gain perspective by comparing the difficulties they face with those who are unemployed looking for work. Gratitude comes into play when perspective is present. In stepping back, and scanning the horizon, we can see the beauty and the big picture. We can stand in humility and grace. We can see the forest and the trees.

As I walked in my apartment building the other day, my security guard/doorman Martin greeted me as always – and in our brief conversation, he said “Life is not a repeat” refering to something I must’ve said. I lifted my finger as if an idea had struck me and replied “You’re right.” It was life’s reminder that I should be grateful…and stand back and embrace the non-repeating nature of my pathway.

The Happiness Factor

I’m constantly blown away at the never-ending human search for happiness. Because of that mushy mass in our rock skulls we call our brains, we have developed into animals that search for meaning outside our day to day flesh and blood existence. We want to know how, why, what if, how come. We think our way into existence.

Our forefathers penned it…and so we live and die by it…the pursuit of happiness. But what is that exactly? How do you define something so ethereal, so elusive, so mass-less. I’ll tell you how, you don’t. That’s not to say we shouldn’t reach for that “feeling” we call happiness…to find a path toward it. We should – it is part of our experience as creatures walking the Earth. We have the capability to feel and express ourselves, so we should use it.

But it is in this desperate pursuit (we were told that we have the “right” to) that leaves so many of our human participants feeling lost, depressed, less than…because we either don’t get it or can’t figure out what happiness is to us – which makes us feel cheated somehow. Well, if Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson think I should be happy, I guess I should go out and get happy. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work that way.

Happiness is not something we can go to the grocery store and purchase in Aisle 3. It’s not something we can buy online, or find in our sock drawer, or get under the plastic surgeon’s knife. It is a moment in time. A glimpse. A pulse. It comes upon us at odd moments, when we are least expecting it. When we get a call from an old friend, when we taste an amazing dish, when we get a hug, when we hear our favorite song. We feel an internal wave of warmth, a spark, a sense of peace.

The age old expression, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey, applies very well here. Happiness is NOT a destination. It is not a place you arrive and check into like a hotel. It is not a continual state of existence. What it is, is a piece of the journey…a fragment. No one lives in a state of bliss 24/7…how would that even be possible? And what would that feel like? Wouldn’t we get numb to the feeling? We can experience joy and pain in the same day. We understand that life is full of it’s highs and lows – yet we fight to embrace that notion. We want to be happy damnit at all cost. I’m going to be happy if it kills me! You can see the absurdity to that statement, yet it is part of our inner monologue….I should be happy, I need to be happy, why aren’t I happy?

IF, we could turn our notion of what it means to be happy and our pursuit of this happiness product on its head, perhaps we can see it for what it truly is. That it’s only a piece of the life puzzle – that co-exists with sadness, grief and fear. Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin. Sometimes you land heads up, other times it’s all tails. But here’s the kicker – that’s OK!!! It’s ok to be down, depressed and sad…to feel pain and grief…we wouldn’t feel those things if they weren’t meant to be part of the picture. Giving ourselves permission to feel un-happy at times is the same as giving yourself permission to feel joy. You have a right to both – and you will experience them both….often.

Perhaps it is in the releasing of the pursuit – the letting go of the reins, that will bring us happiness. Knowing in our center, that we will smile and we will cry, at any given moment, and that that is part of the package…part of our life span. Scratching and fighting and crawling our way to happiness won’t make it come any faster or at all. Release the idea that happiness is a goal. Be happy knowing happiness will find YOU, and not the other way around.

Let it pursue each of us.

Power

I watched (most of) the movie Rocky Balboa again last night. The final (to date) installment in the well-loved, often ridiculed, Rocky movie series. Despite the jokes and commentary on whether the series of films have been well written or well acted, the messages hold true and strong. They endure. How else can you account for the fame of it all? For the fact that Sylvester Stallone created his big break and his lifelong career in the writing of this everyman character.

Rocky’s message has always been clear. You keep fighting no matter what….even when the world has not handed you “sunshine and rainbows”…you keep going when you feel so beaten down that all you want to do is lie on that mat and give up. You stand strong and face whatever you have to face with humility and courage – even when you’re scared to do so. And it also reminds us that the little guy, the under-dog, can beat the odds if he works hard and believes in himself. It’s the message our country was built on, in my opinion…the message that I learned as a little girl…that we could accomplish anything if we believed.

Rocky (talking to his son): “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!”

Isn’t that a powerful message? That it’s not how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can GET hit, and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. That’s the true test isn’t it? Because at one time or another, all of us, every single person alive, will get hit…some more than others…but we all suffer. It is in the suffering, the pain, the punches that show us who we are…that force us to dig down deep, and stand up and keep fighting. It is a sentiment that goes to the very heart of what it is to be human…this glorious existence of ours, with all its beauty and hard knocks, that we can manage to keep getting in that ring to prove what we are made of.

Thank you Sly…thank you Rocky for being our everyday hero.

Four Letter Word

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt

There is a four letter word – that starts with an F….and it’s really powerful. No, it’s not that one, that ends with a K (although that word feels good to say sometimes doesn’t it?) The word is Fear.

Fear.

Although it’s an unassuming little word, it’s a master at its game. Fear is the mask that blinds us, the chain that immobilizes us. And although it is part of our nature – our species – to feel fear as a means of physical protection, it is the emotional and imagined fears that wreak havoc in our lives.

I had 3 thoughts as I fell asleep last night….

Fear the Fear.
Feel the Fear.
Face the Fear.

Fear the Fear – What seems interesting to me here is that we should fear fear. Fear is the one thing that keeps us from moving forward. We have these fear tapes playing in our heads – we are afraid to do so many things because we fear rejection and pain. And the funny thing is, since we can’t predict the outcome of events, we are simply projecting – from our imaginations. It’s not real. Fear keeps us in its grip….good reason to fear fear itself.

Feel the Fear – Feeling the fear can make it powerless. Embracing our fears and accepting them for just that, that we are afraid of something, is one way to deal with them and move forward. I went to a seminar years ago that discussed the book, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”….which pretty much says it all. Feel it….and do it.

Face the Fear – Now, here is the tricky part. You can be afraid of fear and feel the fear, but can you face the fear? Facing it will make it disappear….because you will make it through the other side. And then you will see that fear has no hold over you, no legs to stand on. Facing our fears – whether they be anything from going to the dentist to opening our hearts to love, will make us stronger and happier.

I am trying to practice these ideas…to identify what makes me afraid, find its source, feel it and face it. It is not a walk in the park but more like an obstacle course. But it’s worth it.