Uncategorized Archives - Page 4 of 26

Advice

Advice can be a hard pill to swallow.

The amazing thing to me about advice is not so much that people don’t heed the advice given to them by various people in their lives, but that they will take the very SAME advice given to them by another source.

You know what I’m talking about – it’s that phenomenon when you give a friend or loved one a particular piece of advice, and they dismiss it. Yet someone else can tell them the exact same thing and they suddenly listen.

I’m sure there are a variety of reasons why this happens – perhaps we don’t trust what that person is telling us or more likely we don’t like the advice they are doling out. As many a counseling professional can attest, people often have to learn the hard way. We humans can be a hard-headed bunch.

Often, it is the source that will determine whether someone will listen or not – if it’s a parent or family member, we tend to reject it since they are so close to us – or we feel they don’t understand us or what we are going through. Yet if a trusted friend, therapeutic professional or even new acquaintance say’s the same words, that person jumps on the advice train and rides it all the way to the station.

I’ve had this happen before – and it can be a frustrating experience. It makes you want to shake your head and say, “I told you that already. You didn’t listen!” But the truth is they did listen…they just didn’t like what you had to say.

So perhaps the best lesson here is the next time someone asks you for advice just tell them “You’ll figure it out. I love you.” That might be the greater piece of wisdom.

Snobbery

“What is a snob? A snob is anybody who takes a small part of you and uses that to come to a complete vision of who you are. That is snobbery.” – Alain de Botton

I have to admit that I’m a huge fan of Alain de Botton. Although I am by no means an expert on his work and writings (yet), I am extremely drawn to his vision and philosophy. Why? Because it hits me in the gut, in my BB belly – simply put, I get it.

We are all guilty of snobbery – the act of looking down upon someone as being less than based on our biased perceptions. Alain uses the example of job snobbery – when meeting someone and asking what they “do”, we immediately raise our internal judgment flag and label them as worthy of our time or worthless. It’s that first impression business that we talk about incessantly – how important it is to make a good one.

I have always had a hang-up about business cards as being a perfect example of societal snobbery. To me, it always seemed like a grown-up thing – and a little bit self-important. “Hi, I’m Betty and here’s my card.” My card was then to identify who I was and what I did. Most of our titles are inflated versions of the truth – “Admissions Specialist” or “VP of Tech Core Management.” There are lots of VP’s and Specialists floating out there…it say’s we have value, that we are smart – and look here, my card proves it. A business card is nothing more than a cardboard calling card. It is not you.

In a dream I had recently, two people who did not like me (for forgotten reasons) were walking away, tossing inaccurate comments about me over their shoulders. I strode over to them and kindly expressed that they were being unfair and that they did not know me. I remember how clearly I spoke those words, “You do not know me.”

It bothered me that someone was speaking of me untruthfully – that they had made a judgment call on faulty information – from their personal prejudices. It didn’t sit right with me and I needed to speak up and defend myself.

The truth is, most people do not know the authentic us (except for maybe our mother’s and even that is questionable.) Some of us don’t even know ourselves very well so how can others? I am not labels. You are not your job title. We are not adjectives.

Our snobbery skills can be useful in the grand scheme – so we may be able to tell the perceived good guys from the bad one’s – to keep us out of harms way. If snobbery sounds a safety alarm, then listen to it. Otherwise, put snobbery in your back pocket. Blow it into your handkerchief and tuck it away where it belongs.

Hmm – I guess I’m a snob too. I’m a snob about snobs. – BB

Read Alain’s work – http://www.alaindebotton.com/ – he’s amazing.

Get “Out”

Get Out. It sounds negative but using the Buddha Balboa table-turning-technique, let’s look at it closely.

Let’s flip looking inward to looking outward (as one recent BB commenter advised.) We spend a lot of time looking inside ourselves trying to understand who we are and why we do the things we do. Yes – this is extremely valuable. BUT, perhaps we need to pair it with looking OUTWARD at the immediate world around us – and how we can contribute in a positive way. Does this not make for a more well-adjusted person?

In service to others – whether it be our family, our community, our schools, or even through work with organizations halfway around the world, are we not growing our internal selves? Getting out of our own heads and putting outside our personal problems or desires momentarily can release us from this narcissistic self-indulgent culture we’ve created. It free’s us from the “me” and allows us to embrace the “we.”

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying – we need to look inside to see ourselves. But in the table turn, we need to get outside ourselves and see others…for what they need and for how we can be of help.

Maybe we just need to spend a little less time chasing our own tails and a lot more time wagging them. – BB

G is for Grump

It’s just plain okay to be grumpy once in a while. Give yourself permission.

Why do I say this? Because we all feel it sometimes. Even though positive soup runs through my veins, some days I feel just a little bit “off.” Not sure why. It could be I didn’t have enough sleep, or somethings weighing on my mind, or it could be I’m just feeling sorry for myself because I’m not where I want to be.

So instead of fighting it and getting even more grouchy, I just accept it’s my current state of being. It’s alright to let it just circle around a bit, like a plane in a holding pattern, until you get confirmation from your inner air traffic control that it can land. In other words, let it run its course.

Even grumpy, you’re wonderful. – BB