Self-Help Archives - Liz Esquirol

The Art of Nothing Matters

Nothing matters. Nothing. No thing. Nada. Zip. Zero.

No, really – think about it. Your perceived insurmountable annoyances – your problems at work, your dwindling bank account, your bad knee, your ex, your age, your place in line, your broken toilet. These are but potholes in the highway of life. And dare I say, don’t really matter.

I want to be clear here – I’m not saying that what you experience and feel – and what you feel about those feelings isn’t real – they are. But they don’t really matter. Why? Because our judgement is cloudy at best – formed by our flat tires and the man-made belief in the concept of lack.

Encourage

Enough IS Enough

I’m going to tell you something you may or may not already know. Are you ready?

You are enough.

Enough what? Enough you. Beautiful enough, rich enough, smart enough, cool enough, enough-enough.

As I make my way through all the online teachers, coaches and gurus….and through the burgeoning self-help section at the bookstore…I’m repeatedly struck by the same “icky” feeling. This uncomfortable feeling that the self-help medicine men and women of the world, are making us feel worse than we already do. Hearing them tell me that something is lacking in my life, or giving me fancy tips to become a better me, makes me wonder if I’m not a very good me to begin with. I have this feeling that I have so much to fix – that I’m nowhere near complete.

Two Cents Tuesday

Room for Improvement

It’s Two Cents Tuesday…

According to most magazine covers, they have all the answers. At least that’s what I discovered at the local newsstand.

I like to plant myself in front of the racks and scan the colorful glossy’s. From Cosmopolitan to Self, InStyle to Real Simple, we are bombarded by headlines declaring that we don’t measure up.

Thin Thighs in 5 Minutes

10 Ways to Update Your Wardrobe

How to Please Your Man from Morning to Night

Give Gifts That They’ll Remember

I can’t help but be drawn in. Who wouldn’t want thinner thighs in just 5 minutes? Wow, can it be that simple? Have I been exercising 5 days a week the past year for naught?

It appears these periodicals have the answers to life’s biggest problems. Perhaps they should tackle the substantial topics, the truly important questions – Is there Life after Death? What is True Love? Is Elvis Still Alive?

Instead, we’re told that we’re borderline inadequate. Whatever state we’re in – financially, personally or professionally – just isn’t good enough. After all, isn’t there always room for improvement?

Yes – could we all learn to use our time more wisely – of course. Couldn’t we all try to be a bit more patient in times of stress – I believe so. Shouldn’t our closets be a little less cluttered? I suppose. But why can’t our lives, no matter what state they currently reside in, be plain old good enough? Like toast and jam, aren’t our lives complete in their simplicity? Or do they need to be overloaded with an unending parade of condiments, muddling up their flavor?

My thighs may not be perfect but 5 minutes a day will never make them Heidi Klum’s thighs. Don’t lead me down the primrose path of perfection only to abandon me in a maze of thorns. It’s hard enough to maintain my mini vial of self-esteem without some glistening, airbrushed magazine beauty telling me that I need a bigger cup.

As I’ve discussed before, the self-help section of any bookstore is injury enough, causing many of us to wonder how we ever get through the day. There’s a book for every human suffering. Since the dawn of the industrial revolution, we have found that in freeing ourselves from the demands of physical survival that we have burdened ourselves with idle minds malady. We now have enough time on our hands to fret about the fact that our lipstick doesn’t have enough staying power. That our financial portfolios are lacking. Or that our behinds are just a little too large.

When are any of us good enough? When do we declare that our laundry detergent just doesn’t need to be new and improved?

Today’s the day.

How about one last article for the proverbial road entitled “Kicking the Perfect Habit: 7 Ways to Let Yourself Go.” I feel better already.

Two Cents Tuesday

Self-Improvement for Dummies

It’s Two Cents Tuesday….

I was at Barnes and Noble recently and I beelined to one of my favorite areas to browse -the “Self-Improvement” section. Not Self-Help, but Self-Improvement (that is how the B&N folks catalog this category.) I guess the heading Self-Help sounds too desperate. Improvement sounds uplifting and doable – like Home Improvement…”How to Fix Your Life with a Ladder and Hammer” – now that’s a book I can get behind. (Not a real title, but I may consider writing it.)

I mostly love these books because I’m a researcher but also because they make me smile with their claims to improve me, make me happier, richer, smarter, and more lovable. Really?

Happiness.

How many titles are there for books on happiness? Thousands…and thousands more. Happy – 5 letters that cause so much human concern – to achieve this “state” of happiness. I can save all of us a TON of money by saying quite simply, happiness is not a state you achieve or destination you arrive at – it is a feeling, an emotion that sweeps over you, at moments…it is not a consistent mindset or a plastered smile across one’s face (that would be creepy)…it is just one piece of the emotional pie.

Here are some actual titles on the shelves:

14,000 Things to Be Happy About
365 Ways to Live Happy
Happy For No Reason (pretty much sums it up, no?)
The Happy Book
Authentic Happiness
Choosing Happiness
Choose to Be Happy (lots of choosing going on)
Stumbling on Happiness
Happy – Simple Steps for Getting the Life You Want
A Short Guide to a Happy Life
How to Be Happy, Dammit (I guess you can be angry AND happy)

Beyond happiness, there are titles about Power…

Hidden Power
Tapping the Power Within
The Power of Intention
Unlimited Power

And a plethora of titles to help “improve” you even more….

1,001 Ways to Live in the Moment
What French Women Know
The Courage to Be Brilliant
Mojo Makeover: 4 Weeks to a Sexier You
Quiet Your Mind
59 Seconds – Change Your Life in Under a Minute (now this I gotta see!)
Live More, Want Less
Emotional Bullshit
Change or Die (not pulling any punches here)
Practical Intuition
A Gold Digger’s Guide (yes, this title was there)
Living Deeply (where? in a well?)
10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives
Get Out of Your Own Way
Life After Cigarettes
Think and Grow Rich (if it were that simple, we would all “think” a lot more)
Keep Your Brain Alive (good thinkin’)

And this awesome Pulitzer-Prize winning title by Shannen Doherty “Badass: A Hard- Earned Guide to Living Life With Style and (the Right) Attitude.” With style and attitude – a guide from the self-proclaimed Badass herself….hmm, I will be sure to put that on the top of my reading list.

Again…really??
Next to the four Improvement shelves, are three shelves for Psychology, two for Relationships, one for Sexuality and one for Addiction/Recovery. Lots and lots of reading to be done.

But – my very FAVORITE was seeing the “For Dummies” series in the Psychology section:

Schizophrenia For Dummies
Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies
Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies
Bipolar Disorder For Dummies
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder For Dummies
Depression For Dummies (what’s in here – Hey, snap out of it you lug!)
Anger Management For Dummies
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder For Dummies

I don’t know about you, but I prefer my psychologist or therapist to have degrees lining their walls – not the For Dummies collection on their bookshelves. Schizophrenia for Dummies??? Sounds like a bad documentary on the life of a ventriloquist. And I’m not really sure these encyclopedias can cure my bipolar disorder or quell the anger rising up in me at just the thought of these books.

I’m not making fun…I’m just shocked…well, slightly. I need to take a deep breath…I’m sure there is a book on one of these shelves that can bring me back to my zen state….oh yes, see books on Happiness above.

Just my two copper coins for today. – BB